Blonde Kidnapper Joke

4:25 AM in

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, ''I've kidnapped you.''

She then wrote a note saying,''I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.'' The blonde pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, ''How could you do this to a fellow blonde?''

Read more

If Animals Have Facebook Account

4:24 AM in

If animals have Facebook, about the status of what? Here are some that have been found. But do not know what they're animals.
Dogs Poodle: going to the salon waiting for yes!
Roaches: Recently Had just survived the stamping of death, yeah!
Cow: I groped again by the master.
Cats: my child is to just 5 asking who his father. I'm confused what to answer. My own father who forgot?
Mosquitoes: I am HIV positive AIDS

Chicken: My friends ... if tomorrow I'm not update ... means I've in cooking ... i luv u full ......
Squid: Out of ink refill nich.
Pig:I am accused of spreading the flu .. Damn!
Goat: yesterday not to be slaughtered.

Read more

Principles of Life

4:16 AM in

    * Don't fight too much. Or the enemy would know your art of war.

    * The only job you start at the top is when you dig a grave.

    * If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for everything.

    * If you do little things well, you'll do big ones better.

    * Only thing that comes to you without effort is old age.

    * You won't get a second chance to make the first impression.

    * Only those who do nothing do not make mistakes.

    * Never take a problem to your boss unless you have a solution.

    * If you are not failing you're not taking enough risks.

    * Don't try to get rid of bad temper by losing it.

    * If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

    * Those who don't make mistakes usually don't make anything

    * There are two kinds of failures. Those who think and never do,

      and those who do and never think.

    * Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.

    * All progress has resulted from unpopular decisions.

    * Change your thoughts and you change your world.

    * Understanding proves intelligence, not the speed of the learning.

    * There are two kinds of fools in this world. Those who give advise

      and those who don't take it.

    * The best way to kill an idea is to take it to a meeting.

    * Management is doing things right. Leadership is doing the right

      things.

    * Friendship founded on business is always better than business

      founded on friendship.

Read more

Wife & Husband Jokes

4:10 AM in

Aadmi shaadi kyon karta hai?
Takee vo marne ke baad agar Swarg jaye to achcha feel kare aur agar Nark jaye to homely feel kare...

Why do Bride & Groom exchange varmaala during wedding? To tell each other affectionately... Sweetheart U R Dead!

Different Phases of a man:
After engagement: Superman
After Marriage: Gentleman
After 10 years: Watchman
After 20 years: Doberman

There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it. There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it

Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

hahahahhahahhahha

Read more

What is love ? do u know ?

4:08 AM in

What is love ? do u know ?

   *What is Love???*

A group of 4 to 8 year-old Children were asked, "What does love mean?" The
answers they gave were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. 

--"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it
everyday" (Tina - age 7) 

--"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else
kissing me to sleep at night." (Clare - Age 5) 

--"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint
her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time,
even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." (Rebecca - age 8 ) 

--"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French
fries without making them give you any of theirs." (Chrissy - age 6 ) 

--"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." (Terri - age 4 ) 

--"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip
before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." (Danny - age 7) 

--"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still
friends even after they know each other so well." (Tommy - age 6 ) 

--"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I looked at all
the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the
only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore. That's love" (Cindy -age 8)

--"Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken." (Elaine -
age 5) 

--"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone
all day." (Mary Ann - age 4 ) 

Love............

is not only made for lovers....... its also for parents,brothers and sisters, friends and almost for everyone...
who sometimes luv each other better than a lover . 

Smile and spread some love plzzz

Read more

A woman walked up to a little old man…..

4:07 AM in

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

“I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she says.

“What’s your secret for a long happy life?”

“I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he responds.

“I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fat foods, and never exercise.”

“That’s amazing,” the woman answered, “How old are you?”

“Thirty-six,” he said.

Read more

Santa's Letter to Bill Gates

4:05 AM in

Santa's Letter to Bill Gates
Letter is from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr.. Bill Gates of Microsoft
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr.. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.
3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only..
9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God shake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
Banta
Last one from me to Mr Bill Gates :
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS.
Ur SANTA

Read more